OK, I’ll try to do this. With one eye.

Our trip to the Philippines. It was one of those occasions that happen rarely: everyone is funny. A perfect storm of banter.

My trip started on the Tuesday. Check in:

“Where would you like to sit?”
“Business class”

No business class apparently, only Fiesta class. Nice short flight sat next to an old Filipino guy who lived in New Jersey. Strange mix of an accent there.

Had to run the usual gauntlet of taxi touts, but seeing as I had no idea where I was going, I got one, PHP375, for the taxi. He reckoned it was 30 minutes drive. Turned out to be 7. I get ya. 375 … no change? I get ya.

The hotel was OK, The Makati Palace, and situated near a bunch of bars, but at first I couldn’t see what sort of bars. They turned out to be mainly of the girlie variety. I’d arranged to meet Maria at 10.30 and we went for a spot of food and then a few bars. She wanted to show me the girlie bars, if I wasn’t too shy? OK then. So we cruised a few of these places then went back to the hotel at about 4am. A nice easy start to the holiday. Sent a text to the lads back in HK who were to arrive on the Thursday:

“Our hotel seems to be situated in a street of girlie bars”
“Sounds terrible”

The next day, I just relaxed and read, and had a massage. “Disappointingly professional” There was no chance of any shenanigans anyway, while I was getting my massage, there was a handyman in my room fixing my doorbell. Thanks.

That night, I fancied something a little more mainstream, so I hung out at a normal bar for a while, chatting to the lovely Virgili and listening to live bands. Later, I met Lilybeth, and she agreed to come for some food and to go to another bar with live music. Then home. Oof. Phototastic. “How do you get them to do it?”….”No need, just ….” (reaching behind for strategically placed digital camera)

Here’s one I took out of the window.

The next day, more relaxing, and afternoon ales with Virgili and Sonny Boy. Sonny Boy was a street geezer who walked up and down trying to get people into The Matrix bar and sell “Blue Diamond”, which is apparently Viagra. He was a good laugh and had many stories to tell. At the back of my mind there was the worry that he was trying to rip me off somehow, but no, he just wanted to have some banter.

Earlier in the day I got a message from The Snoop saying he had overstayed his Hong Kong work visa and might not be allowed out of the country. “You idiot!!” Then I realised mine expired the day before and I hadn’t renewed mine! You idiot! Quick call to HR and the balls were in motion for the renewal.

The Snoop was allowed out of the country for a HK$135 fine and he and another lad arrived at about 8.30pm. We headed straight to The Matrix to sit outside and catch up over a few SMLs. The themes for the night were: “No stone unturned”, “Whatever it takes” and American ex-presidents. Meaning, we were to go to all the bars in the street, spend whatever it took and sign all bills with the signature of an American ex-president, but a nickname of the president. E.g. Abey Linc, Ronnie Regan, Calvie Cool etc. In these bars, when you order a drink, they bring you a slip of paper with your order on, and you have to sign it to confirm the order.

So we set about the bars:

Rogues - bit of bad pool playing and lovely ladies.
Hollywood’s - er, the scene of 14 girls around a table. “Are we buying them all drinks?” - “Whatever it takes”
Shampoo - not a fan. Mainly due to the awful bird who latched onto me.
Bar opposite Shampoo - scene of me, then all of us, singing Queen songs for an hour or so. A Queen song came on and I was just singing loudly, when suddenly a microphone was shoved into my hand. I think they basically played the Greatest Hits CD for us.
Flamingo Love - scene of ladies in bikinis on rocking horses. Brilliant. Also great music in there, and a comedy advert in the toilet:

You know, from the “same same but different” thing.

Hazy now. I do remember another bar where I was talking, briefly, to the girl with the best teeth in Manila. Absolutely stunning. Home then I think. Maybe one more bar on the way. We passed by the bar where we had been singing Queen, and they were still playing it!

The next morning, we were up for a hot dog and a seaplane. The pilot was miserable. He said about 10 words the entire trip. Still it was a good experience. Circling for the landing and approaching at a 45 degree angle was interesting. As was the impact (x5) when you land.

Here’s the seaplane video. [MPEG, zipped, 17.9MB]

A few costs:

Airport taxi: PHP375
Beer: PHP30-100, depending if it was happy hour
Lady drink: PHP300
Seaplane: US$400
Hotel: US$35 a night
In room massage: PHP700
In room handyman: free

More later, my eye hurts.

“Got any Queen?”
“Crisis meeting lads….Dorae are blobbing”
“We need more birds” … “Headcount”
“Just get all the Bambini”
“The ambassador’s parties……Ferrero Roche anyone?
“How do you get them to do it?”….”No need, just ….” (reaching behind for strategically placed digital camera)
“Are you sure you’ve got the outfit?”
“Got any Queen?”
“She kept stopping me each time I walked past on my way to request Queen.”
“Massage? Disappointingly professional”
“I’m only going to the floating bar if they have Queen”
“Amazing Thailand? Malaysia truly Asia? Try the Philippines — you’ll fucking love it!”
“Put it on again, I want more of the Judie Judie, hey Judie Judie”
“No need for a changing of the guards”
“Got any Queen?”
“I’m touching you, but not touching you”
“I wish I was 50″
“Nudibranchs? My favourite type of branch”
“Look, I’m leaving the Philippines today, make me leave with a smile on my face”
“No one can do Mercury ….. except me”

The full story later, when I get the chance.