From a mate:
What a bizarre arrival in the US… A customs agent who was actually friendly.
- Which company are you with sir?
- Merrill Lynch
- OK, that’s a problem. We’ve been seeing a lot of you guys coming through today.
- Er, why is it a problem?
- Because I have Goldman Sachs in the sweepstakes for most travellers.
Apologies for not updating. If anyone cares. Just too busy and tired. Been having very full days, weeks and weekends for the last few months. My mates think I leave work early, 6 or 7ish, but they don’t always see me re-logged on as soon as I get home and naked, or on the conference calls at night.
Also had a couple of mid-week tear-ups and too many Large Fridays.
Anyway, I’m sick of logging on every night to discuss things with teams in London and New York. I have to do this, but why not be horizontal while doing it? So, I ordered one of those new fangled BlackBerry gadgets (well not so new), got it all set up yesterday and sent my first email from the lift on the way out of work … just for a laugh. It always amazes me. Poeple in the lift on the way to or from their desk. You just left! You’ll be there in a moment! Give yourself a break.
What also amazes me is why these gadgets are not standard office issue - you get loads more hours out of your staff. I’m telling everyone to get them. The handsets are free! For example, I just popped to the coffee shop and checked and sent a mail while I was waiting. Productivity that would not have happened without the BlackBerry. Or if I wasn’t such a knob. I have the day off today!
Well it’s a new toy, but I hope after the novelty wears off, I won’t turn into a Blackberry Cock. As I call them.
Two tips for pretending you are still in the office:
1. Turn off the auto-signature - you know, the thing that says: “Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld”. Get rid of it! Open up Desktop Manager and go to Redirector Settings.
2. When you reply to an email in Outlook, it puts “RE:” in front of the subject. When you reply from a BlackBerry, it puts “Re:”. So, remember to change that to “RE:”
Then, wherever you are …. it looks like you are in the office. Lovely.
I have the day off because I was supposed to be in Manila for the weekend, however I have to move apartments this weekend, so I had to cancel. Yeah, I found a new place. Lovely. High floor, sea and mountain views, balcony. Not in Mid-Levels. Showers should be interesting!
So, I’m gonna need a telescope and a torch (sorry, handheld tactical illumination device) to check out and signal to passing ships from the balconooooire. Or should that be balconage?
Anyway, got stuff to do.
Now I know why I stopped going out during the week - you feel like a fart in a trance all day the day after.
Out until 4am, woken by boss at 7am with an emergency. Awesome.
I’m always amazed by the things the human body can take.
Quote of the night, when looking at Crazy Facial Piercings Doris:
“She’s the sort of girl you take home, then wake up the next day with your penis beside you on the sofa”
Closely followed by this little convo:
A mate: Would you two ladies like a drink?
The ladies: No thanks.
A mate: OK, so how much to take you both home?
UPDATE: Just been told that 4am was actually more like 5am.
The human body. Amazing.
Check out Mia’s boobies!
Well not quite:
October is breast cancer awareness month and its all about the boobies
Well you do actually get to see some boobies.
BTW - I offer free boob examinations if needed. *
If needed. Reminds me of a chat I had a while ago with an interbird, who told me she would come round to give me a massage:
“So, do your massages include a special finish?”
“If needed.”
“I think it might.”
OK, getting in the mood for boobies, here is another interbird I call Ridiculous Doris and her NSFW boobies. Ridiculous? Cos that’s the only way to describe her.
* I’m not actually a doctor.
I’ve spoken about the search for the G before. I just don’t get it. Why do local girls wear big pants? Today, on the way to work, I spied a stunning woman in a white suit running her fingers through her wet hair, as I got closer, there it was, the big panty line. Why?! You’ve spent a fortune on your suit and shoes. You’ve spent ages on your makeup, OK, not so long on the hair, but why ruin the whole thing with a huge panty line? Wear The G. Or nothing. Is it for comfort? Surely no panties is more comfortable? Gotta say I like freeballing.
The other week I was at a party and a local colleague was managing to show us her big panty line ….. through her frickin jeans!
I asked one girl and she said it’s because nice small panties are so hard to find. Well I found some in M&S and I wasn’t even looking for them:
So, there you go ladies, get yourselves to M&S.
I always make it a point to find out what sort of panties a new girl wears. For example, the Friday before last I met a nice girl with amazing hair and legs. Reeeeeaaaally can’t remember the face, but anyway, legs were awesome. Just awesome. We exchanged numbers and then exchanged calls during the week. On Saturday she asked if I’d like to meet her, being a predictable pervert, I asked what she’d be wearing:
“A skirt, I always wear a skirt.”
“To show off your awesome legs?”
“Yes. Hehe”
“Excellent. What panties will you wear?”
“No panties. Is that good tea?”
Yeah baby, I know my tea, and that’s good tea.
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