A guy I know just got a tattoo. He was a leeeeeetle bit drunk and now he is gutted. It’s just above his arse and says:
TAKE ME TO THE DISCO
Me, no disco tonight, heading back to Macau to visit a certain girl who’s name begins with ‘Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’.
I love it when you get an email saying:
I have booked this island for a party. It’s just off the coast of Bintan…..
The Hoff was banned from boarding a British Airways flight after showing up to the gate a little boozed. Or maybe he was just ‘ill’. Longish article on The Hoff here.
Recently, Hasselhoff met Prince Harry at a polo match and strolled right up to him. “I said: ‘Hey, I knew your mom and I thought she was awesome. Did you ever get the autographed picture I gave to her?’ And he said no. But he did get the pictures of the Baywatch girls. I know what happened. The butler took my pictures.”
Turkey’s constitutional court chief justice is called Mustafa Bumin.
Valve’s portal. More here - check the second comment. Like: “There’s only one word for that - magic darts!”
This rally sounds like a right laugh! I will be investigating. Hmmm, I’d love to do this.
43 cars left London.
27 cars reached Mongolia.
14 cars reached the finish in Ulaanbaatar.
2 teams were robbed at knife point.
1 car snapped in half.
3 engines fell completely out of the cars.
1 team were held for 5 days in no-mans land.
1 team cycled 200km to get to the finish when their car gave in.
100’s of tyres were blown.
1 team got engaged.
1 team found a 10ft deep pot hole.
1 team found a 25 tonne crane rolled by a pot hole.
3 teams attended weddings
1 team had to reverse up a mountain after losing all bar one forward gear
1 person spent 24 hours in a Kazakh jail charged with 5 crimes against the state.
1 person was stoned by a mongolian nomad (who he then shot at with a gun).
1 team rammed off the road after an arguement over water melons.
1 person spent a day in a Turkish hospital.
3 people were banned from Turkmenistan for a year.
1 person was detained by police in Azerbaijan and threated with a beating from a dwarf. This followed an incident with a cow.
2 cars flipped over in Mongolia.
3 teams were chased by armed bandits.
0 teams died.
On Sunday morning, one of my mates woke up on his sofa, with broken glass around him, dried blood on his face and hands, and a hand that would not move properly.
After some pocket forensics and discussions on the phone, we think that on the way home, he tripped, smacked his head, broke his sunglasses, put them in his pocket, then went to sleep on the sofa.
So, after a clean up, all that was wrong was a slight cut on his head from the sunglasses and his numb and droopy hand that just wouldn’t work properly.
Nerve damage said the first doctor. Could be permanent. Come back in 2 weeks.
Rubbish said I! (After a few jokes about getting a lobster claw replacement, or a straightforward hook)
Get a second opinion! So he did.
Second doc said he has Radial Palsy. Apparently, it’s also known as Saturday Night Palsy, as people get it after multiple arrrrrrl.
It will (usually) get better, but can take a few days or up to a year for the nerves to grow back.
So, as worrying as it is, let’s take a look at the positives:
1. A few days or weeks off work
2. A hand you can clench into a fist-like shape but not much else
3. It’s a numb hand, sooooo, it feels like it belongs to someone else
That sounds brilliant!
OK, let’s see.
Last week an old friend was in town so we popped out on Wednesday for a few drinks to catch up. Since he left HK four years ago, he got married, and though he takes fidelity very seriously, he fancied a tour of Wan Chai. No funny business, just popped into a few places for drinks and a chat. However, I met two nice girls. Well one lovely, one not too bad. Long story short, they like to ‘play’ together, and ended up round my place on Thursday, to, er, play. So, tick that off the list of things I must do. Lovely.
Oh, I forgot to mention the football loving local girl. The one that came round in the skimpy top and short skirt. Well, she came round to watch the Germany v Italy semi-final. She arrived at 10pm and we went straight to bed. Little strange. Nothing happened. Just went to sleep until 2.55am, when we got up to watch the game. I thought nothing was going to happen - she just wanted to watch the football. However, we had a bit of naughty half-time action, then the second half, extra time and penalties. Bed at 5.30ish, work at 9. Leeeeeetle bit tired. She’s 22. Lovely, but a bit of a nutter. Via SMS:
Me: You left your toothbrush at my place.
Her: I know. I thought I’d come to get it tonight, if you want to fuck me again. If not, just throw it away.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I passed. Was way too tired.
Totally forgot to call Take Me Home Safely High Maintenance Doris. Will have to call her tonight.
Last weekend was another leaving do for my mate. Six of us went to Macau on Saturday afternoon. Go-karting was fully booked, so we went bowling. I wish I had photos of the mall where the alley was. It was a dilapidated, half-empty shopping mall. More than half-empty really. The cooling in the place was mainly fan-based, so we all had a bit of a sweat on. The winner (ahem, me) won a bowling pin clock, which we then took out with us and got everyone to take a photo with us and the bowling pin clock.
After the bowling, which was supposed to be a nice easy start to the evening, but went wrong when we decided that every strike meant your team necked a can of lager (my second game went strike-strike-spare-strike-strike-spare), we headed over to Fernandos for a load of food, then back to town for a kip or a massage. Four of us opted for the massage. Golden Dragon I think the place was called. Great place. You, erm, get an assistant to help you shower. Well, you sit in a chair, they wash you. Interesting. Halfway through my shower, the lights went down and some sort of dance music started and around 40 girls paraded around the place in dresses. I couldn’t see a thing! I was sat the wrong way having my back washed! Anyway, that turned out to be the full monty. You chose a girl and went off with her, which I didn’t fancy, and opted for a legitimate massage. $500, so not exactly cheap for a 45 min massage, but the little shower helper was fun. Definitely worth the time-out anyway. Food had settled and we’d sobered up a little.
We then headed over to The Sands casino. I just watched the dancing girls. One lad lost three grand in about 10 mins, so I was happy with my decision! After that, we headed over to Al’s Diner at Fisherman’s Wharf - which reminded me of New Orleans. We just messed around, taking photos and drinking. Then it pissed it down and we headed to a disco. Dee Dees I think it was called. Something like that. More drinking and messing around.
So, some photos:
Good tazza
Interesting urinals
Singer
Erm, not suuuuuuure what’s going on here.
Random bowling pin clock guitarist 1
Random bowling pin clock guitarist 2
Mini Doris
Ah, the lovely singer. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. I think I liked her.
Random Doris. Again.
Male singer. Nice hat.
The DJ!!
[link at the top-right of each page to get a larger photo if you want]
I ended up with 156 photos, but censoring them is just too much like hard work right now!
Home in the early dawn of Sunday with a lovely girl from Indonesia. Her name starts with an ‘R’ … so I kept getting her to say her name - ‘Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’. Love it. No photos of her I’m afraid. Well none that anyone but I can see. I was sharing a room with a mate, and he reported hearing:
“Don’t take photos.”
“I’m not taking photos!”
<FLASH>
“Stop taking photos.”
“I’m not taking photos!”
<FLASH>
She didn’t mind really. I offered to delete them. No need. Top girl, although she has called me 6 times since Sunday.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Off to watch series two of The Wire, which Jimmy Two Times put me on to. Watched series one last week. Love it.
Check out Mika. According to Popbitch:
His sound is like nothing else on the market - Beck meets Bolan meets Queen meets Scissor Sisters. Mika’s at his most Mercury-esque on summer-anthem-in-waiting Grace Kelly. One of those songs that can put a smile on your face no matter what misery you’re feeling inside.
You had me at “Mercury-esque”.
The Thursday Threesome.
Back in the mix.
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