Today is the day.

While the other lads got in some pre-tournament practice and discussed tactics, I spent last night tweaking the rules and creating the scorecard and course map. Yeah lads, I changed the rules. Ahem. See below.

Hopefully a good course for caddie recruitment.

I wrote some long-winded rules, but in short:

Each player must choose and consume ONE drink in each pub. Points are only scored for this ONE drink.

The winner shall be the player with the LEAST NUMBER OF POINTS at the end of the ninth hole.

Scoring
Pint around 4% = par
Stella et al. = -1
Bottle Bud etc. = +1
Bottle Heineken/Carlsberg etc = +2
Single = +2
Double = par
Treble = -1
Single + mixer = +3
Double vodka red bull = -1
Double tequila double vodka red bull = -3
Non-alcoholic = +4
Others – see ref.

Down in one = -2

Penalties
Unfinished drink = +3 (nothing for drink if below par attempt, add on if above par)
No drink at all = +4
Puke = +3
Toilet on a water hazard = +2
No shot on a bunker hole = +2 shots

30 minutes per hole, and we have a referee, a scorekeeper and a timekeeper. Gunther is the scorekeeper and has a little notepad and a sharp pencil to put behind his ear. Handicaps are based on how ridiculous you look.

On a water hazard hole, you cannot adjourn to the toilet and on a bunker hole, you must have your chosen drink plus a shot.

The new rules discourage ‘gaying’. I changed the penalty for not finishing a drink. Previously it was just +3 for any drink not finished, now it’s +3 plus the score for the drink you were attempting, if it was an above par attempt. Analysis of the possible scoring threw up the fact that previously the difference between finishing a single + mixer and not finishing it was zero.

Under the old rules:

Buy a Stella pint or treble or double VRB and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 4)
Buy a Heineken pint and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 3)
Buy a Heineken bottle or single and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 1)
Buy a Single + mixer and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 0)
Buy a Bud bottle and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 2)
Buy a double tequila double vodka red bull and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 6)

Now:

Buy a Stella pint or treble or double VRB and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 4)
Buy a Heineken pint and fail = +3 (diff between success and failure = 3)
Buy a Heineken bottle or single and fail = +5 (diff between success and failure = 2)
Buy a Bud bottle and fail = +4 (diff between success and failure = 3)
Buy a Single + mixer and fail = +6 (diff between success and failure = 3)
Buy a double tequila double vodka red bull and fail = par (diff between success and failure = 3)

So now people playing to fail are properly penalised.

Oooooooooook. So I’ve spent too much time thinking about this!

Right, I’ve got work to do. Yesterday we purchased a whiteboard, marker pens, a ruler, card and a guillotine. Got things to make!