The Queen’s actual brithday is April 21st, but in Britain it’s celebrated on the second weekend in June.

The MLCCC decided to celebrate it last weekend. With a junk trip. Not the best weather for it, but as renowned mariners, we headed to sea.

We had a checklist:

10-15 beers
Big bag of crisps
Blazer (mandatory - if have one)
Cravat (optional)
Pencil moustache (optional)
Gentlemanly accoutrements
Pith helmet (mandatory)
Cash
Music
Portrait of Queen (brought by Captain)
Flag
Camera
Quiet night on Friday

Now, a few lads forgot about the last one. By quiet, we meant ‘just have a few ales, remembering you have to be up at about 8am”. We didn’t mean “Go large!” or “Getting ‘Follow your heart’ tattooed onto your arm by a TST tattooist”, and we certainly didn’t mean “Snort coke, don’t go to bed at all and find yourself in a Mongkok gay bar at 6am.”

Still, we only lost two, so headed to sea with a crew of 12, where there was only a bit of unauthorised kipping.

We headed over to Discovery Bay to pick up one of the lads then onto Chi Ma Wan, where we disembarked to head to The Stoep (couldn’t get dropped off there as it was too choppy) for lunch.

We were asked what on Earth we were doing. Eight of us in blazers and piths, with a portrait of The Queen sat at the top of the table draped in a Union Flag. So we told them and then asked if they would wear our kit. They were lovely things who had just popped in from Daddy’s yacht. Also the waitress.

After lunch, we had a spot of footy, Brits v Antipods. We only played for about 10 minutes, but we were up 3-0, with, ahem, two goals from The Kaiser. Lovely. Will have more of the footy photos later, there are some good ones.

Four of the lads decided to swim out to the junk, despite this. They made it, but I was convinced someone would need to be rescued. They rowed back to pick some of us up, well, three of us.

Earlier, when I said ‘renowned mariners’, I meant ‘utterly shite in a dinghy‘ — that would be me there, at the back, sinking the boat. It took us ages to get out to the junk, mainly due to the wind, waves, large stomachs, general fitness and the fish that jumped into the boat, scared the shite out of me and made me fall over and lose my pith. Luckily Village caught it and proceeded to use it to bail the water out to stop us sinking.

All Gunther kept saying was “you couldn’t script this”.

On the way back, we checked out the container port. Ridiculous. Blew my mind. Those ships are just huuuuuuuge.

Home, changed, OCH, breakfast, meet Doris, Doris throws up in a taxi, LKF, Hardy’s, sing a couple of songs, Insomnia, home.