What I love about pub quizzes in England are the team names people come up with. e.g.

The Mel Gibson Aramaic Experience
The Dead Wives of Evil David Hasselhoff
The Extremely Tall Gary Colemans
The Number Of Times Dave has Sucked Ant Off Is
Marc Hottiger’s Jedi Mind Trick

If you go to weekly quizzes, there are often topical names, e.g.

Get back in ‘ere, Abu Bakar Ba’asyir
Ni Hao, Wanna Pick Some Cockles?
Diego, You’ve Cheated Again, You Fucking Lucky Tnuc.

I love the old, “whatever whatever whatever is” type name, so when they read out the scores, the number goes at the end… e.g.

“Marc Hottiger’s Jedi Mind Trick 49, The Dead Wives of Evil David Hasselhoff 64, The Number Of Times Dave has Sucked Ant Off Is… 45″

Oh, ho ho.

So, tonight is the annual department quiz. I helped run the last two, but this time I want to answer some questions. Can you believe that the other year, no one, not one person, knew where the Sea of Tranquility was or why it was famous. Anyway, I was away when the team name was chosen. Our name? Big Brain. Why are the team names here so shit? Other names are:

The Passion of the Quiz
Asia
Mortal Combat

Cant remember the others. Asia?! What? Think you retards!

For last years bowling evening, the names were:

Strikes and Spares
Turkeys
Break ‘n’ Burn
Smash It
Bowling Link

and, er,

Athletico Shaky Kaiser

Guess which team won the best team name? Ahem. And the overall competition? Ahem. I still have the 100% plastic medal at home.

The quiz is only 2 hours though, not like the 4 hour marathon at The Globe!