A few points on how to make Shaky’s lunchtime less stressful:

1. If you work in an English bookshop, speak English. The titles are in English, you need to be able to understand them when I make a request.

2. When you get to the bottom of an escalator, don’t just stop. People behind you are on a moving piece of machinery, they will crash into you (or at least I will to teach you a frickin lesson).

3. If I order take-away pork with crap and that, it’s take-away. Cutlery would be handy.

4. Try to decide what you want before you get to the front of the queue.