OK, so I’m being lazy. And hold on, before anyone starts, a Liverpool fan sent me this.

First day schedule

8:00-9:00 Scrapheap Challenge
Two teams of contestants try to assemble a decent football team from the
Liverpool squad.

9:00-11:00 Film: As Good As It Gets
Liverpool qualify for the UEFA Cup.

11:00 - 12:00 Faking It
Gerard Houllier pretends to be a football manager but will he fool anyone??

12:00 - 13:00 How do they do that?
Stories behind the most unbelievable events and occurences. This weeks
programme concentrates on Emile Heskey. How does he keep getting picked for
the England team? How comes a guy built like a “Brick Shithouse” spends more
time on his back then Jordan does? The most unbelievable story is HOW THE
HELL did he manage to score an overhead kick against Birmingham? Was it
meant to be a pass? Find out…….

14:00 - 15:00 The Weakest Link
Anne Robinson hosts this popular quiz programme. Tonights special
contestants are the entire Liverpool midfield.

15:00 - 16:00 Holby City
This weeks episode: “Hypocondriac”. Michael Owen is admitted for another
hamstring injury sustained playing pool/golf with his mates, but discharges
himself immediately when he realises he’s forgotten his Teddy Bear.

16:00 - 18:00 Film: End of Days
Liverpool’s realisation that a once great European footballing force now
target the Worthless Cup as their only hope of silverware (besides nicking
hubcaps). Hubcaps it is then……

18:00 - 19:00 Film ‘04
Jonathan Ross reviews all the latest blockbuster movies. This week he
reviews Bend It Like Big Nose, El Hadj Diouf and the 40000 Thieves.

19:00 - 20:00 Whose Line is it Anyway?
Ex-Liverpool player and Anfield favourite Robbie Fowler discusses drug
etiquette at parties and reflects on how Manchester “skag” isn’t as
good as that from Liverpool.

20:00 - 22:00 Newsnight Special
Incredible footage taken by the Americans, shot last Saturday, watched by
the nation. A dazed, dishevelled and clearly bewildered leader being led
from his temporary shelter. The slow realisation that the mighty empire he
thought he ruled had esembled, and that the game was finally up. Finally
knowing that, instead of being loved, he was hated by his own people and
laughed at by everyone else……….. and Phil Thompson next to him in the
dugout didn’t look much better.

22:00 - 22:04 Attacking Highlights
All Liverpools attacking highlights from the first half of the Season